


A scarred, baby crow.

by Utsukishi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Implied Self-Harm, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, enough fluff to make you want to puke rainbow, i dont know, i guess its implied??, i like tags, okay there is fluff, will there be fluff?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 08:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1933290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Utsukishi/pseuds/Utsukishi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It didn't take long for Kageyama to fall to his knees and bite his lip. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want them to know. He didn't want to- "You can cry, Kageyama." Hinata crouched down next to him and gently patted his shoulder. "We're here to help you. You don't have to tell the team unless you want to but at least let me and Suga-senpai help you." He grinned and reached out his hand to make Kageyama look up at him.  (Aka I suck at summaries so have a fic quote)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A scarred, baby crow.

**Author's Note:**

> I was in a really bad mood and decided to just write this one shot. I didn't even start it yet but yeah. I hope you enjoy what I end up writing!  
> Some things in this fic may not seem realistic but I wasn't aiming for it to be realistic. I was just writing out emotions which I have experienced and therefore knew them!  
> Enjoy!!

It wasn't  _that_ hard to understand how he must've felt. Actually, no. It would be hard to understand how Kageyama Tobio felt since he never told anyone... except for maybe his mother (his father had left them a while ago so there was no point in telling him). However, even if his mother did know, she made it worse. She never asked if he was okay. It wasn't surprising. She was always busy with work and was never home. She'd leave before he wakes up, come home for an hour break while he was in school, and by the time she was home from work, Kageyama was already asleep. His mother didn't work all that time and Kageyama knew that. He knew she went out with people since he once went out with the team and found her drunk with a group of friends. He never mentioned it.

It all started when he was just a small Tobio-chan. In 2 years he would finally go to junior school and hopefully meet friends. A few days after his birthday, his parents had an argument. Little Tobio, not fully understanding the situation, tried to call out to his parents. When his father saw him it wasn't a pleasant thing. Furry was in his eyes and he slapped his own son. Shouting and verbally abusing how "A piece of trash isn't worth all those things" and "Maybe without you we would be more happy!" Sometimes there was even physical abuse. There wasn't any major damage since the Kageyama family had smart genes. His father was aware that they would be questioned and "There was a volleyball accident" was a good excuse, or so the baby sitter thought. 

Before junior school, Kageyama never attended real school. His parents were the type that wanted to protect their child. At least they were at first. He was home schooled so he never had many friends. He was also introverted since he was too scared to speak up after his father had snapped on him. Speaking with people outside of the house seemed even worse. They didn't know him though. What could be so bad? After he finally managed to start a conversation with a kid, he got instantly bullied for his appearance. He wasn't a skinny kid back then. He was chubby and he always had messy hair. 

A year before junior school was supposed to start, Kageyama's father left his mother and him. His mother cried a lot and blamed the little Kageyama. She said that she wished he was never born. Deep inside, he wished so too. It was a difficult year. He didn't want to get bullied any more so he lost weight (Why would such a small child have to do such thing in order to get accepted?), he taught himself volleyball, he taught himself pretty much everything, and he changed his attitude. He built walls around him, for no one to see the real him. The him that he locked away with his memories and sharp objects. When his mother found him in the bathroom, crying on the floor with her razor in his hand, she was beyond angry. He just wanted the emotional pain to go away. He was glad she found him though. His mother had hit him really hard and he was secretly happy because maybe, just maybe, he was able to block out his emotions. 

Once he joined Junior school, he was happy. He finally managed to find something he truly enjoyed - Volleyball. It didn't take him long to get into the club and to meet someone whom he looked up to. Apparently, Kageyama was a so called genius. When a certain Oikawa Tooru snapped at him and yelled at him, Kageyama didn't react. Even when he was about to be punched, he was a little shocked. He knew people yelled a lot but did they punch too? Was that normal too? 

Whenever his mother checked his arms, she never found any scars or cuts. Kageyama Tobio wasn't a stupid kid. He always did it in places people wouldn't notice. Whether that was his shoulder, upper thighs, or his sides and upper body. No one would find out. He made sure of that. It was his dark little secret that let him continue with life. No matter how much he wished it could just end already. 

Junior school seemed to go well until his last year. He was called the King for being self-centred and arrogant but that was just one of the many walls he had built. It was a wall that was bound to be broken down by a certain orange haired boy that swore to beat him. After his team-mates finally abandoned him, he trained harder and harder. He would become a perfect setter.

A day before he joined Karasuno High, he lay in bed, crying and gripping onto his covers.

_Why? Why couldn't anyone tell what he was feeling?? Why couldn't just someone come and save him? He grew up too soon! Too quickly and too much! Why did he know about the world and it's horrible, horrible flaws? Why him?_

It wasn't long until the team and him had trained together. He realised that maybe, just maybe, things might get good again.

* * *

"Oi! Hinata you dumbass!  I told you I'd toss it to the left with the signal! Suga-san didn't create it for nothing!!" He yelled to the scared looking Hinata. He didn't want this team to be sometimes scared of him.  _Especially not Hinata._

Hinata growled in frustration before answering. "Gah!! I just can't remember the codes!! How do you remember them??" Hinata pointed his finger at Kageyama, annoyed that the taller of the two already learned the signals. When Kageyama just repeated the codes and signals as if it was something he was taught as a child, Hinata just "gwaah"-ed.

They continued to practice the signals while the rest of the team practised with them. It didn't take long until it was time to clean up. When Kageyama failed to avoid clean up, he internally sighed. He wanted to avoid changing his clothes when the team is with him in the locker room. However, he wasn't very lucky. 

Once they were in the locker room the team was talking. It was a good thing that Kageyama was able to give off a 'pissed off' aura so no one was paying attention to him. It didn't take him long to change his clothes into his uniform. His anxiety levels rising when he had to change his shirt. 

_What if they see all those scars? What if someone questions it? No, they would know what he got them from. Were they looking? They could probably tell what the ridiculous amount of scars was from. Dammit! Why did he have to scar his back too?! It wasn't as covered as his front or sides since he couldn't reach but the horrible, horrible, scars were there. He just has to change his shirt quickly and no one will know. No one._

After he got changed as fast as he could, he said bye to the team before walking out. He didn't even realise that Suga, who wanted to ask him about some setter related questions, saw him. Saw every little dark secret that Kageyama carved out on his back. He saw the anxiety on his face and how he bit his lip before getting changed at speed no one would ever think was possible. Suga watched the retreating back in shock.

Kageyama was on his way home, his shoulders and sides itching for the too familiar sharp edge to slide itself along the already broken skin. He ignored Hinata's voice asking if he was alright and ran home. A place where he could be alone. When he opened the door to his house it was dark. Lighter than his mind but still dark. He ate only a little, trying to limit his food intake since he had to eat a lot in school to seem normal, and went to his room. The magazines waiting for him to be read. The volleyball to be touched. He dropped his bag and went straight to the bathroom. Maybe he'd fall asleep and sink this time. Just maybe. 

By the time Kageyama was in bed, he was already exhausted. He didn't check his phone since he knew his parents wouldn't call and that his team was probably too busy with their own lives.  _Their better lives._

He fell down onto his bed, his arm covering his eyes. It didn't take long for him to feel a sting on his back and in his eyes. He let the tears falls. He was free for a few minutes so he allowed himself to cry. "Why.." He mumbled to the stuffy air around him and his voice already slightly cracking. "Why can't no one tell what I feel?" He bit his lip and ignored that the tears were starting to annoy him. "Why am I too scared to tell someone?! They'd... understand... Wouldn't they?" He hated how pathetic his voice was. He hated how he couldn't even say a word without his voice cracking. 

His phone went off. Kageyama rubbed at his eyes, getting rid of the ridiculous tears, and checked the caller ID. He was surprised to see that Suga was calling him. Couldn't he just text him though? Maybe he used up his text limit already and could only call? It wasn't a very common thing but Kageyama picked up anyway, just in case.

"H-Hello?" Curse his voice. Curse the fact that he was crying. Why did his voice crack and why did he stutter?! Why did it sound so pathetic? Why was...  _he_ so pathetic? 

It was quiet on the other side of the line and Kageyama thought he didn't pick up. He was about to check when Suga suddenly spoke up. "Are you alright?" It was a simple question but it made Kageyama bite his lip in order to not let out a quiet sob. 

He was in his emotional state and the fact that Suga was worried for him made him even more fragile. "I'm... fine." He chocked out. His voice still sounding the same as before.. or maybe worse. 

"...Are you crying?" Suga's voice didn't have any hint of mockery in it. Just pure concern. Kageyama didn't know how to answer. He knew Suga could probably tell when anyone was lying. He stayed quiet for a while before Suga spoke up again. "I probably shouldn't ask. I'm just calling to check up on you." Finding the right words to approach the topic was hard for Suga. Or at least that's what Kageyama thought when he heard Suga trailing his words behind. "Actually, I wanted to... ask you something. It's not something we should talk about over the phone so.. uhm... Can you meet me before school? At about 6 in front of the gym?"

After an internal battle of 'Should I?' and 'Should I not?', Kageyama answered that it was fine if they were to meet up. He guessed it was just something to do with tosses or serves since they would meet up in front of the gym. 

* * *

It was a lot worse than Kageyama thought. The look Suga gave him when they meet up screamed "Run!" to him. Suga started off with an awkward sorry, apologising for calling late at night and then asking if they could meet up so early. Kageyama just said it was fine. 

Everything was fine. The weather was fine. The day was fine. Their conversation was fine. Most importantly, Kageyama was fine... until Suga said he saw scars on Kageyama's back. 

"Th-Those are... from my childhood! I was... a risky child so I got injured a lot and-"

He was cut off when he saw that Suga was't buying any of it. "Some of those aren't just scars. I may not have quick reflexes like you or anything but I saw your back. Your whole back. It was like... time stopped." Kageyama looked down, trying to not think about Suga's concerned stare. "There are fresh... cuts too and.. I even saw words. Or half of them since I couldn't see your sides." It was true. Kageyama didn't always just make random scars and cuts. He even went as far as carving out words that described him best. 

"Please pretend you didn't see any of it." He whispered, afraid that his voice might betray him again. He wanted to run away. He wanted to escape but he knew he would have to talk to Suga one day. 

When Suga suddenly grabbed Kageyama's arms and gripped at them, Kageyama felt himself relax. Maybe... just maybe, someone would finally understand? "None of it is true, Kageyama! You're not useless or worthless! You're not trash and you're not crazy! You're amazing and you have a great talent! You're a great setter too and... and..."

"And your tosses are amazing." A familiar, third voice joined in. "You're a talented player with great skills and you're amazing. There's nothing bad about you. You're not only talented but also good looking and a great friend. You can get scary sometimes but it usually ends up with your tosses making my spikes all 'gwaah!!' and 'Pow!!' You're a great ally and you inspire the team! You're blunt about many things and you always care for your team!! Someone like you could never be useless or worthless!! If it hurts, tell us! If you can no longer stand, rest! If you feel like you lost hope, I'll give you that hope! If you ever want to give up I will serve a ball right into that head of yours again and make sure you never give up!! If you want a shoulder to cry on, I will gladly lend you mine! We're partners now and our team cares for you as much as you care for it! You're not alone so please... please tell us when you're upset, hurting, or just damn frustrated!!" 

Kageyama stood still, watching the panting ball of energy that was trying to catch its breath after nearly shouting.  _Why was he here? Why?!_

"Hinata and I noticed everything yesterday. Hinata was worried for you since he noticed that you were acting more weird than usual. He went to me after we got changed and we planned to meet you here." Suga explained as if he read Kageyama's mind.

It didn't take long for Kageyama to fall to his knees and bite his lip. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want them to know. He didn't want to- "You can cry, Kageyama." Hinata crouched down next to him and gently patted his shoulder. "We're here to help you. You don't have to tell the team unless you want to but at least let me and Suga-senpai help you." He grinned and reached out his hand to make Kageyama look up at him. 

"I... I'm sorry..." Kageyama put his hands on Hinata's shoulder and let him embrace him. His shoulders shook and it didn't take long to cry. I didn't take him long to cry out how he felt. 

It took him 30 minutes to finally calm down. Hinata was gently rubbing circles on his back while Suga was petting his head. "It's all okay now. We're here." Hinata whispered into Kageyama's ear and gently smiled when he felt the other nod his head. 

* * *

 Kageyama and Hinata didn't go to any of the practice that day. After school ended they both went straight to Kageyama's house to pick up his clothes. On the way to their house Kageyama explained that his father didn't live with them and that his mother should be at work. He had already texted her to say he was going for a training camp with Karasuno while in reality, he was going to Hinata's house for a week. At least until Hinata's mother was away. After they got Kageyama's clothes, they went to pick up Hinata's sister from her own school, and then they all went to Hinata's house. 

The first night was awful. Hinata saw more of Kageyama's scars (By accident since he walked into the bathroom while Kageyama was getting changed) and Kageyama couldn't sleep at all. It wasn't an unusual thing. He had nightmares and that night was another one of those nightmare filled nights. It was... a little different. He was woken up by Hinata who offered him a glass of water and decided to lay down next to Kageyama. It was a... pleasant night. 

The week went by quickly. Kageyama was always with Hinata (Unless he needed the toilet or to shower) and would always be asked if he was okay. He wasn't okay. Not yet. It would take him a little longer than a week to heal. He fought with his urges and barely turned to his past anymore. The urges were strong. He had to admit... Hinata's words were stronger though.

The team found out a while later when Kageyama decided to break down one of the remaining walls down. Everyone accepted him as he was. There was a sly comment from Tsukishima but it didn't have any ill intend behind it. During the next few weeks Kageyama found himself slowly paying more attention to Hinata. Whether it was quick glances or questions about his whereabouts. It turned into gentle touches. While cleaning up they'd bump into each other and sometimes brush fingers together. When changing he'd catch himself staring at Hinata. The red blush covering Hinata's face when he saw Kageyama staring was quite cute too. 

The team noticed. They would glance at each other, smile, blush, and look away. They'd argue more just so there was physical contact between them. They'd talk more to each other and they were obvious when checking the other out. Suga and Daichi only grinned as it reminded them of themselves when they were first years. The first time Suga mentioned it to Kageyama, he flushed bright red and denied it until Suga strictly told him to be honest with his feelings.

Quick glances turned to long eye contact and casual touches turned into a gentle shove and ruffle of hair. When stretching, a stroke there, and there was often too. When talking, their eyes flickered to and from the other's lips, resisting the urge to just kiss each other. They didn't know if the other felt the same though.

It was one day when their feelings were revealed. Kageyama was taking longer in the shower than Hinata expected (He was sleeping over at Kageyama's house) so he decided to knock on the door. When there was a soft "Go away" mumbled out, Hinata almost immediately walked in. On the floor sat Kageyama. A towel over his waist and a razor in his shaking hand. The fear and shock in Kageyama's eyes was enough to tell Hinata was was going on. It didn't even take long for the latter to throw himself on the former in a hug.

"Kageyama. Please stop. I can't lose you. It hurts to see you like this!" He didn't care if Kageyama would push him away. He didn't care if his words wouldn't reach him or if he was not making sense. "I don't want to lose you! I don't want to lose you please don't leave me..." There were already tears staining his cheeks, Kageyama tightly hugging him, guilty that Hinata found him like this. "I can't lose the one I love. Please just... don't do it again."

It was quiet. It was as if time has stopped for Kageyama. Only the 7 words repeating themselves in his head. "I can't lose the one I love." Simple yet... so honest.

"I-I'm sorry. I'll try..." He tightened his grip on Hinata, never wanting to let go. "Oh and... I love you."

"I love you too, idiot!"

* * *

It took time and patience. It took effort and love. Finally, Kageyama got the right treatment and was forgetting about his dark past more and more each day. It would surely haunt him in the future, maybe, but what mattered was the present.

"Tobio..?" Tired eyes looked up at his own.

"Yeah?" He replied, gently running his hand through Hinata's hair.

Hinata shifted a little so he could lay his head on Kageyama's chest while they laid together on Kagyeama's bed. "Remember that time we confessed?"

"I do. Why?" The raven-haired male adjusted his pillow and rubbed gentle circles on Hinata's back using his other hand.

"I just remembered that you were wearing only a towel." He felt Hinata shaking, laughing, probably. His own hands tracing the scars on Kageyama's sides, his eyes closed and a small smile visible on his face.

A blush found its way onto Kageyama's face. "Of course you'd remember something embarrassing." He closed his eyes and his lips turned into a gentle smile.

"Tobio?"

"What is it, Shouyou?" 

"I love you." 

"I love you too, dumbass." 

**Author's Note:**

> This took 3 hours to write so I hope you guys like it! Please tell me what you think and how I can improve!  
> If you have questions or just want to message me then you can contact me on Tumblr (Baka-no-Sedai.tumblr.com)


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